Letters to Katniss…. [#1]

 

Sometimes I write letters to fictional characters. One day they will reply….

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.


——————————

Dear Blog Readers,

You may think that I’m purposely choosing now to write about this book because there is a amazing film coming out and I want to get more hits to my blog because of this fact.

Um.
You’re kinda right.

KIDDING.
(Not really)

I recently read this book again because:
1) I plan on going seeing the film at least three times and I wanted to make sure I know what I’m judging if it’s wrong. [UPDATE: I have seen the film three times and I loved it. So hurrah. ]
2) These books are so good they make me want to hug kittens and high five people that I do not know.

I also realised that I haven’t actually reviewed these books before but seeing as they are the reason why I choose to dabble in reading/reviewing and writing my own young adult fiction, I should probably make an effort.
So, yeah.

You have Ms Collins to blame for me.

Stay beautiful,
Jo.

xxx

—————————–

Dear Ms Collins,

I think I speak on behalf of most young adult readers when I say thank you for writing a series that allows us to say “I told you so” when every single person we recommend the book to devours it within a day and adores it.

I may be speaking for myself here but when I say “I read the books before I saw the film” about the Hunger Games, I will say it loud and proud and smugly.
Thank you for showing everyone that it’s OK to be a Katniss kinda gal.

Forever a fan,
Jo.

x

——————————————

Dear Katniss,

Compassionate. Brutal. Awkward. Strong. Loyal. Looks good with a side plait. [It’s a difficult look to pull off, believe you me.]
It’s all been said before and I hope it gets said again and again. With you, we readers finally got a heroine who wasn’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in. And also, a heroine who didn’t just believe in boys and kissing.

You are the ultimate.

Yours always,
Jo.
xxx

ps. I have also been keeping track of the boy with the bread. When I say ‘keep track of’ I mean ‘fancied the pants off’….

————————————

Dear Peeta,
It struck me when I read Katniss’ 100% true memoir the entirely fictional account of the 74th Hunger Games how hilarious you are. For some reason, I forgot this in the lull between the first reading of the book and the second reading. I like how you are actually a character with your own personality and not just one of the tired YA boy clichés that get paraded out when the heroine needs to look ‘feminine’ and ‘normal’ and less “squirrel-killery”. Because, obviously, kissing boys is the only way this can be done, right?
Anyway, I think I have done you a great disservice by describing you as the ‘nice’ guy when I have been recommending this book to my family and my friends and that weird woman who wouldn’t leave me alone when I was waiting at the train station.
So, for that, I apologise.
I mean, you are nice but you also have an incredibly dry humour which I adore so much.

“You here to finish me off, sweetheart?”

“Yes, frosting. The final defence of the dying.”

“Remember, we’re madly in love, so it’s all right to kiss me any time you feel like it.”

You’re also so incredibly swoony and I would like to cuddle in a cave with you while you whisper sweet nothings into my ear.
And when I say ‘cuddle in a cave’ I mean in a fancy restaurant where an oddly attractive psychopath isn’t out for our blood. And there would probably be profiteroles.
And when I say ‘sweet nothings’ I mean recipes for delicious cakes…

It will be a cold day in hell when I don’t fancy a boy who can provide me with regular baked products.
I LOVE BREAD AND I LOVE YOU.

Lots of love,
Jo.
xxx

————————–

G-
I always root for the underdog.
“Catnip”
*sigh*
Also, I always root for the tall, fit hunter-gatherer type who would always be there to protect the heroine but lets her protect herself because he knows she could do it just as well, if not better, than he could and he respects that and encourages her strength.
Probs just me.

————————–

Haymitch, mate, you need to ring me.
You left your phone at my house and god it’s been ringing off the hook. Effie really wanted to speak to you, dunno what about. I listened to some of the messages (God, she’s shrill, isn’t she?) and all I got from it was that Katniss needed you to get her something. Something about Katniss not being able to find water and needing you to send her some? Or else she was gonna die? Ha. Effie is such a drama queen, isn’t she?
Does that make any sense to you?
Nah, I didn’t get it either.
Anyway, last Friday was BRILLIANT. Remember? We got really drunk and we ended up on that pedalo? And then we were in that club and you requested Mysterious Girl by Peter Andre from the DJ and I was like “THIS SONG IS ALL ABOUT ME!” and you were like “OMG THIS SONG REALLY IS ALL ABOUT YOU!!
…..
You really don’t remember?
Anyway, we need to do that again because us two, H? We’re in it for the long haul. I know what happens in the Capitol stays in the Capitol but I guess it’s also the law…

‘Til Sambuca do us part,
Jo.
xxx

ps. Do you have my left shoe? I’ve looked all over Panem and I can’t find it.

—————————–

Dearest Cin,

Can I call you Cin? You never replied to my other letter so I’m guessing it’s OK. Anyway, Cin… speaking of those other letters, do you have an answer for me?
Would you be willing to be my Life Coach? I know it would be a bit of a task because, well, I’m pretty much failing at all things life-related but this is where you come in.
Just picture it, we could go shopping. We could talk about make-up. You could diagnose what the hell is going on with my hair. We could talk about politics.
Me and Katniss are practically best friends too, so you could go ahead and book is in on the same session.
It’ll be glorious and just think how satisfying it would be to succeed. We could do a Before and After kind of thing. Or make it into a reality TV show?!?!
We could be the next Audrey and Rex!
Anyway, I’ve included a self-addressed envelope just in case you lost my address.
Can’t wait to hear back from you!

xoxoxo

ps. I spent about three hours in Boots looking at gold eye-liner last weekend. I just couldn’t decide whether I would suit it or not. I think it takes a certain kind of person to wear that colour, you know? So instead I went to get a meal deal but the woman on the til said I couldn’t have two brownies and a Diet Coke instead of a sandwich, a brownie and a Diet Coke. So I glowered at her for a bit and bought the two brownies anyway and then added another one to my basket IN PROTEST. And I refused to get an advantage card. TO SPITE HER.

pps. See? Life failing, thy name is Jo. HELP.

—————————-

Dear Rue,

You know when you’re trying to sleep in in the mornings and there’s that bloody annoying bird outside your window that is just screeching and squawking and you’re just like “HOLY MOCKINGJAY WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!?!?”
That was me trying to send you a message via a wood pigeon. I learnt too late that they are not Mockingjays and they do not have the ability to send messages.
So… um.. sorry for the squawking and disturbing your Sunday lie-ins.
Basically, I just wanted to say that you’re a wonderful little girl and if I think about it really hard, you’re the starting point for everything that happens in this book.

Love you,

Jo.
xxx

—————————-

Dearest Finnick,
Yes, I know you’re not in this book but I wanted to just let you know that I will be reading Catching Fire again in the near future and I am SO EXCITED because you are one of my favourite real life  fictional boys ever.
Also, I have missed it when you take off your top randomly and show your abs.

KISSES AND ETERNAL LOVE FOREVER AND EVER,
Jo.
xxxxxxxx
xxxxxxx
xxxxxx
xxxxx
xxxx
xx
x

———————————

Dear Jennifer Lawrence,

I can’t decide whether I am more in love with your boyfriend or you.
Who am I kidding? It’s totally you.
I don’t know what this means.

Best wishes,
Jo.

xxx

ps. You don’t happen to still have Michael Fassbender’s number, do you?

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21 thoughts on “Letters to Katniss…. [#1]

  1. This is the best thing on the internet! (I wanted to type that in caps but I’ve heard that it’s considered rude – I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t mind though, right?)

    I LOVE THIS BLOG POST. (And the sambuca shout out).

    It is brilliant. You are brilliant. Write me a letter!

    Oh, you already do :)

    #KISSME!

  2. Dear Jo,
    Have I told you lately that you’re awesome? Coz you are. This post rocks in every possible way. You’re a Katniss kinda girl.
    Your faithful stalker,
    I mean,
    Your non-creepy blog reader,
    Belle xxx

    • Feel free to faithfully stalk me all day every day, Belle.
      And you’re too sweet. ;)

      All my friends are Katniss kinda gals… because, honestly, why would I want any other kind of friend. ;)

  3. Dear Future Penpal,

    You had me at “hello.” Wait, you didn’t say hello. RUDE. ;)
    Love your letters anyway.
    I watched The Hunger Games twice so I’ll try to step up my fangirling.
    Here’s an M&M. Sorry if it’s crushed. It was Christina Kratovac’s idea.

    Lots of love,
    Maggie

  4. I adore your Letters to…featurerette. Adore! Aren’t you surprised they didn’t put more Peeta quips in the movie? At least one of those? I would have double highlighted underlined those in my script. But then again, my movie might be five hours long….
    Yours in carb loving,
    Noelle

    • Carb loving < BRILLIANT.
      Thanks Noelle, I'm going to do some more when I get off my bum and do some reading :)
      And yes. I wanted more Peeta Quips. (PQ)
      I would have watched your five hour long film.
      GLADLY.

  5. I have to agree with everyone else, brilliant Jo. You should turn this into a regular thing.
    (And I can’t believe you saw the movie three times already!)

    • Haha, I know! I think I over-did it a bit, but oh well.

      Thanks Maja! I have a few more of those planned but I’ve not really been reading much recently but I’ll get there, I promise.

  6. Pingback: Short stories, strippers and cookies | rhian bowley

  7. “HOLY MOCKINGJAY WOULD YOU SHUT UP!” This keeps me laughing for ages! That was so hilarous! More more more!

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