Guy Langman, Crime Scene Procastinator – Josh Berk

Synopsis from Goodreads.

Guy Langman can’t be bothered with much. But when his friend Anoop wants Guy to join the forensics club with him in the (possibly misguided) hopes of impressing some girls, Guy thinks why not.

They certainly aren’t expecting to find a real dead body on the simulated crime scene they’re assigned to collect evidence from. But after some girlish, undignified screaming, the two realize it is indeed a body. Which means they have stumbled across a real, dead murder victim.

Meanwhile, Guy has been looking into the past of his father—a larger-than-life character who recently passed away. He was much older than Guy’s mom, and had a whole past Guy never even knew about. Could his father’s past and the dead body be linked? Does Guy want to know? He’s going to need all his newfound forensics skills to find out . . .

Taking a break from my usual review method because I’m feeling lazy today.
I was really disappointed with this one and it makes me sad. I thought I was going to absolutely love it.
But something really didn’t sit with me.

The story was alright, although I felt there was faaaar too little happening in the first half. And then when the interesting stuff happened, we were pretty much done.
I really wanted to find out more about Guy’s dad and his background. I mean.. he’s a deep sea diver who looks for buried treasure. How is that not brilliant?! But it all seemed to get lost within a tsunami of boners and high fives and raised eyebrows and ‘that’s what she saids’.
When I was reading the conversations and exchanges in this book, I couldn’t help but be reminded of this ginnel that I had to walk through to get to the paper shop on my estate. It was near the bus stop where all the students from the local high school got off and the entire stretch of it was constantly covered in graffiti. The council kept painting over it but as soon as it dried… it was back.
The jokes in this book really reminded me of that. They seemed to be constant and annoying and they were really distracting from the story.
Yeah, they were funny the first time you read them… but the novelty of reading ‘sex’ and ‘boobs’ written on a wall wears off and you realise you’re just massively craving a sherbert fountain.
Also, Guy was a perfectly fine narrator. I’d probably be his friend but when he held his hand up for a high five after he said ‘That’s what your mum said’ or ‘You weren’t saying THAT last night’ after everything I said… I’d punch him in the crotchal region.

I really loved the idea for this because, even though I abandoned my love for science at the academic alter and ran off to have an illicit affair with film and then start a life with literature, I still hold a candle for my first love. But while it was fun to see a group of sixteen year old running around solving crimes… eh.

Theme Tune.
Seeing as I’m about 100% sure that it’s illegal to mention crime scenes without The Who song in the background. So…

This song doesn’t really have any relevance to this book (sadly because that would have been AWESOME) but the chances of me finding a book that it is relevant to are slim.
So until then, Guy can look after this one.
I’m sure Maureen (who I adored by the way! I would be best friends with her and we could sit and roll our eyes at the silly boys and their ‘zinging’ and obsession with dirty balls) will appreciate my awesome taste in music this song.

I’m sorry that this review has mainly been negative… it just really wasn’t my thing. Maybe I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind for it.
BUT I have on great authority that The Dark Days of Hamburger Halpin is absolutely fantastic, so I’m really looking forward to reading that in the near future….

I received a copy of this book from the publishers.

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