Letters to Harry. (Books 1-3)

 

Sometimes I write letters to fictional characters. One day they will reply. 

 

Synopsis from… Wait.. do you really need a synopsis? REALLY? Can you even get internet connection from under the rock you live in?

Synopsis from me.
Boy is a wizard. He has adventures. He is amazing. There’s a bad guy. He is also amazing. But in a different way.

Quick Note.
I guess my decision to re-read the Harry Potter books started after a conversation a few friends and I had after we saw that you could buy t-shirts that said ‘I’d get sleazy for Ron Weasly’.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Ron as much as the next girl (and guy, let’s not underestimate the power of Ron) but it got me thinking of t-shirts that we’d probably wear more frequently….
Some examples:

I’d get dishevelled with Neville.
I want to tumble more with Dumbledore.
Once you go Black, you never go back.

You know.
The usual.
This conversation took place on the night that I saw the last film and I was feeling all nostalgic and I wanted to go back to the beginning and read them all over again.
The thing was, though, my family copies of the Harry Potter books had been read so often (and the spines are full of sand from beaches all over the south of France) that they are falling apart and the pages have started to come out.
Which I love, because there’s nothing better than a well-read book, is there?
But it didn’t help me because I had no money to buy them again and the library was so far away… and I’d have to get a bus and buy a Megarider and FAFF/
So when my brother leant me the fantastic audiobooks narrated by Lord Stephen Fry I was over the moon, smitten, pleased as punch and all of those other things you are when you get to revisit your favourite books again.

I’m going to split my reviews/thoughts up into three sections. This first post will focus on books 1-3, the second will focus on books 4-6 and the last one will be dedicated to the final book.
Also… because I’m lazy, because I like writing letters to fictional characters that I wish were real seeing as everything has been written about the Harry Potter series and anything I would write will have already been written about a million times on other blog, I’ve decided to be a bit different.
So I’ve dusted off my quill, unrolled my parchment and prodded my owl into doing something more useful than regurgitating mice bones onto my bedroom floor….

Dear Stephen Fry,
Please find attached to this letter a list of all the books I am planning on reading in the next year. I would greatly appreciate if you to record yourself reading them all and if you could just post the tapes to me as soon as possible…. That would be splendid.
Best wishes,
Jo.

——

Dear Harry,

I’m so glad your voice broke in the third book because there is only so much clenching my jaw could take.
I believe it would be the best if you looked back on your years of living in a cupboard under the stairs as character building. Even with the spiders.
You are my hero and I love how fame hasn’t gone to your head and turned you into a massive diva or a nutjob.
Though…. You might not have seen these.
That might change things slightly.
Also, if after the hours of playing wizard chess with Ron has given you some kind of board game complex, I would happily play you to build up your confidence.
You’d win every time.
Not that I’d let you win.
I’m just shocking at playing chess.
Best wishes,
Jo.

ps Scars are sexy.
pps. And so are glasses.
ppps. The shards of Firebolt that were left in your trunk anonymously had absolutely nothing to do with me, Fluffy and a particularly energetic game of fetch. Promise.

——

Dear Ron.
It takes a real man to pull off a maroon chunky knit.
Love,
Jo.
ps. Don’t worry. When I first started to learn to drive (in a country road dangerously near a quarry) that scene with the tree and the nearly dying pretty much happened to me. It’s more common than you think.

pps. Be nicer to Hermione. Maybe buy her some flowers.

——

Dear Hermione,
You have taught me how fun it is punch knobhead boys in the face when they insult my best friends be insufferable know-it-all.
Please, never change.
Oh and I think you’d make a cute cat… just for the record.
A kindred spirit,
Jo.
ps. Be more patient with Ron. He is a boy after all. Maybe tell him he looks good in maroon.

——

Dear Ginny.
Ugh.. who are you?! You’re even more annoying than I remember.
Please just leave.
Yours Truly,
Jo.

——

Dear Prof Dumbledore,
Do you think it takes a person with a certain bone structure to pull off half-moon glasses?

And robes?
Love you forever,
Jo.
ps. Every time I eat a lemon sherbert I think of you… it’s far more often than I’m willing to admit.

——

Dear Ms McGonagall,
Did you get my letters? You know… uh… the ones where I ask you to be my life coach?
I’m going to assume you didn’t because there is absolutely no other reason why you would ignore those letters….
And, um, that video I made.
And that stuff cat I knitted for you. It’s supposed to be the Tabby cat that you turn into. Did you realise that?
You did?
Oh.
And what about that….. um, song I wrote for you?
You have no idea how difficult it was to find a word that rhymed with McGonagall.

Lots of love,
Jo.

——

Dear Madame Pomfrey,
Why didn’t you have a job in my primary school?
I am of firm belief that when I fell down that hill a lump of chocolate as big as my face would have worked a million times better than a wet paper towel.

JW.

——

Bloody Baron,
I find you oddly attractive.
I’m not sure whether to apologise for that…. Or embrace it.
Best,
A confused reader.

——

Dear Neville,
Don’t worry, my love.
Puberty treats you well.
So.very.well.

Your future wife,
Um…
An interested party.

ps. I forgot how awesome Trevor was.

——

Dear Ms Rowling,
I can only assume that the chapters where Mr N Longbottom meets a sassy Hufflepuff witch named Jo Mo were rejected by your editor because they were so AMAZING that they feared people would instantaneously lose interest in Harry, Ron and Hermione.
I’m right, aren’t I?
Forever a fan,
Jo.

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4 thoughts on “Letters to Harry. (Books 1-3)

  1. Pingback: Review: The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner | weartheoldcoat

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